Kid Dukas and the Brothers Van Cleave
Drink deep from these Pyrean Springs
"What the hell is in this thing?" you ask
A taste much sweeter than honey or wine
Ten times more potent then turpentine
A gallon of the best deonized water
From the Alps of Switzerland
Fifteen lemons and thirteen limes
A splash of gin and then the big surprise
Two percent ham and the rest is love
Inspiration from the heavans above
When stirring we always wear gloves
Two percent ham and the rest is love
For you this drink will surely help lots
Make you strong as Scott Baio and Don Knotts
If you need it this will quench your thirst
At a race we guarantee you'll come in first
It will make you smarter than a Ph.D.
Come on this roller coaster ride with me
We're letting you in on the ground floor
Try it now, you couldn't ask for much more
Step right up to try this concoction
Don't be afraid of any porcine toxin
You will taste a beverage that is most uncommon
Come on friend, here's a shot for free
Just try it once and you will see
How we care about our product as such
We pass the savings on, you're welcome very much
For this...
Two percent ham and the rest is love
Inspiration from the heavans above
When stirring we always wear gloves
Two percent ham and the rest is love
Now that I have finally imbibed this confection
I feel that I could win any election
Knick knack my bivouac
And take my dick
Dirac my nut sack
Until I get carsick
Bushwhack my rucksack
With a pneumogastric broomstick
Unpack my hayrack
With a pinch of garlic
Kick back my zwieback
With a patchwork beatnik
Wisecrack on the tarmac
At the burlesque picnic
Ransack the Muzack
With a fireproof toothpick
Skyjack my smokestack
With a Dixieland fatback
Butter my udder
To the highest bidder
Chuddar my chode
a la mode
Puncture my fender
With a tender blender
Prune my gobstopper
With a Doppler chopper
Vouch my pouch
With serrated pork
Quench my stench
With hyphenated torque
Shuck my jock
With a cataclysmic windsock
Gangplank my shank
Until I get a rash
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